Last night. . .
Had a good cry. I always feel better after a good cry.
It is really hard living here in London. God wants us here, we know it wouldn't be easy BUT we also didn't know it was going to be this hard.
I struggle with who I am. I am seeing a lot of things that I don't like about myself, that is not Christlike. It also seems like since we have been here in London there are times when I am not myself at all. I don't like that. I'm working through them as best as I know how and as God's timing allows. I suppose a sort of 'refining fire' time. The heat gets turned up.
Now don't get me wrong, there are great things going on as well. I am just walking through a shedding of old-self, still.
Hoping for some more Freedom to fall quickly.
Shalom.
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3 comments:
I'll always love your honesty. I'm sure we share this boat with many others; I often see things about myself, which aren't Christlike and I see the all-too-frequent times when I'm just not myself. I guess these things are "symptoms" of a "process". The process (refining) is essential, but the symptoms are a bit more....what's the word...selfish?
I dislike many of the symptoms, and I'm not sure that I totally enjoy the process, but I'm hoping that the final result is worthwhile.
I was reminded yesterday that our perspective is current but God's perspective is eternal. He's set some of that perspective in our hearts, but as Ecclesiates 3:11 says; we can't fully grasp the full scope of God's work, from beginning to end. Maybe we don't need to know the full scope, just that God has a place for us in eternity, but he needs to refine us first.
I trust that the refining is necessary and I love having people like you and Josh in my life, who I can share my refining experience with.
Love and peace to you!
it is good for us to pass through these things. Though I pass through the valley of weeping, it can also be a place of springs, going from strength to strength until we appear before God in Zion...
loveH
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